Category Archives: vulnerability

Daring Greatly

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The author whose writing has most inspired me and changed me in this past year is Brené Brown.  Brené Brown (Ph.D., LMSW) is a researcher at the University of Texas at Austin.  Her areas of research include shame and vulnerability.  Yes, I did say she was inspiring.  Really!

 

This past week, Brené was on The Katie Show.  She discussed new book “Daring Greatly.”

 

My first exposure to Brené Brown was in watching her TED Talk on vulnerability.  Vulnerability was not a new concept for me.  For the past 10 years, my teacher and mentor James Jordan at Westminster Choir College has insisted that choral conductors and all creative artists needed to be vulnerable in order to offer pure and beautiful creations that move people and connect people.

 

What is vulnerability?  It’s kind of like emotional nakedness.  It’s being open.  Vulnerability is allowing ourselves to be seen…as we are.  Vulnerability is letting go of trying to control how others see us.  It is showing up and being real…allowing ourselves to be exposed in all of our perfection and imperfection…embracing humanness.  Vulnerability is taking risks…saying “I love you” first, letting others see us cry, saying “I don’t know,” and “I’m scared.”  Vulnerability is letting others see how excited we are about an opportunity…with the recognition that we might not get the job or we might not be the one selected after the audition, or that special person might turn us down for a date.  So many times, we choose to avoid vulnerability by “playing it cool” and acting as if it’s not a big deal…pretending it doesn’t really matter if we get the job/get role we auditioned for/get to go on a date with that special someone.

 

To be vulnerable is to be brave.  We take a risk when we expose ourselves to others.  There is a very real chance that we will be judged, ridiculed, hurt…  Brené acknowledges that being vulnerable takes courage, and we will sometimes experience rejection and hurt.  Yet, it is worth the price, because it is actually more painful to stand outside of our own lives and look in, wanting to engage and participate wholeheartedly…but to hold back, protecting ourselves from the potential dangers we might encounter if we let others see us.  I know:  I have often stood back and not fully engaged with others, not speaking up when I had something to say, not saying how I really felt because I feared others would judge me, not stepping up and taking a leadership role because I still had work to do on myself to become “good enough,” not letting others see how much I care on account of fear that I would be judged as “too sensitive.”  The list goes on.

 

I have now decided:  I would rather go home and feel the painful feelings that follow harsh judgment by a friend, audience member, critic, family member, or stranger after I have lived authentically and lifted my voice, living out loud…than go home and feel the painful feelings that arise from knowing that I didn’t put myself out there…that I stood in the background and didn’t bring all of me to the world.  I choose to dare greatly.  I know I will have to be brave.

 

How have you dared greatly in your life?  How do you plan to be brave in your days ahead?

Back to School: Reflecting on Change

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Tomorrow will be the first day of school for many students and teachers.  This is a time of year that comes with mixed feelings for many.  While students, parents, and teachers don’t want to say “good-bye” to the carefree days of summer, the return to a routine schedule feels good in some ways…and then there are the Friday night football games, the fall craft fairs, apple pies, and the comfort of a warm sweatshirt on a cool night.

 

This will be a change, and ready or not, it’s here.  Change is often resisted, yet we usually know that we need change in order to keep moving and growing.  Change means letting go of one thing and allowing something else to take its place.  The ‘letting go’ is important, because it allows room for something new.  Beginnings can make us nervous;  we get anxious about those unknowns ahead.  Yet, beginnings are also a refreshing opportunity to start fresh.

 

I am at a period in my life where change seems to be the only constant.  I am learning through the uncertainty that the unknowns can be embraced.  I am learning to surrender, and I am learning that it feels good to surrender.  By nature, I like to feel “in control” of things.  But that “control” is only an illusion.  Any moment, things can change in a split second…or they might stay how they are for longer than we think.  We have no answers, and if we spend all of our time asking questions, we miss the brilliance of the present moment.  So going into this year, I’m not thinking too far ahead.  I’m not worrying if I’ll be able to keep up with the new demands of this year.  I’m also not fretting over the things I didn’t fit into my summer…those projects I said I’d get to that never made it into the hours of June, July, and August.  Instead, I’m embracing the present moment, embracing the change, and staying open to noticing how it is all feeling for me.  And right now…I’m noticing that I don’t feel nervous at all.

Doing it Anyway

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For quite some time, I’ve considered putting a blog on my website.  It’s been almost a year since I started telling friends, “I think I’m going to start blogging.”

My hesitation centered around two major fears:

1- People might read your blog.

2- People might not read your blog.

Simple.  Contradictory.  The real deal.  Can any of you other bloggers relate?

I acknowledged that my blog would be available to all who travel through cyberspace.  That’s a good thing.  I want my voice to be heard.  But…anyone might be reading what I’ve written:  students I teach at school, those who’ve attended performances I’ve given, friends, the guy who asked me for change at the Farragut North Subway Station, my parents, future employers, people who don’t agree with what I’m saying, the waitress who got my order just right at The Hershey Pantry.  The list goes on.

On the other hand, I’ve been terrified that no one would read my blog…that my writing would be “wasted,” (although I realize that would not be so, as writing almost always helps me make sense of what is floating around in my mind and my heart.)  Yet there was a very real fear that my voice would go unheard, unnoticed;  that would not feel good as I put myself out there, embracing vulnerability.

So…I’ve taken that important step of naming what I’ve been afraid of, and now I intend to release all of that, shake it out, and move forward on this exciting journey.  My friend and fellow musician & InterPlayer Stan Stewart advocates the “feel fear and do it anyway” approach, and that’s what I intend to do.  Thank you for joining me on my journey.  I ask you to please say “hello” and let me know that you’re here.  Comments are most welcome!