Category Archives: daily musings

Too Busy

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It’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  I’ve been busy.  Too busy…

I recently traveled to a conference in Portland, Oregon.  The conference was great, and I thoroughly enjoyed my time in Portland and in the area surrounding the city.  In planning for this trip, I knew I would be very active during my time in Portland, attending conference sessions and seeing as much of the area as possible: the waterfalls in the Columbia River Gorge area, Portland’s Chinese Garden, the Japanese Garden, the Rose Garden, the famous Powell’s Bookstore, and more.  Because I knew I’d be tired from the traveling, I thought ahead and cancelled several of my regularly scheduled weekly activities in the days following my return home from this trip.

Arranging for a lighter schedule as I adjusted to the time zone shift, worked on unpacking, and reunited with my cats at home was really a good decision.  As a conscious spiritual being who is on a journey toward health and wholeness, I try to practice good self care.  Sometimes I do well, but other times I put other people’s requests in front of my well-being and end up cutting my sleeping time short as I rush to meet deadlines and help others out.  This was a time when I succeeded in doing what was good for me. But it went beyond that…

Not only did this extra time to get settled back in after my trip allow me to readjust without the stress I had experienced on other occasions on which I “hit the ground running” and jumped right back into it all.  In addition to that, I noticed that I was breathing more freely and feeling less tension in my body.  It was clear that I felt lighter and more joyful…and even more creative and inspired…as I went through my days.  I enjoyed the opportunity to sit for a while with a book or with my journal and go into that introspective and reflective space that I love.  I saw that I was more in touch with my body, and I was making better choices, as my head felt clearer.  I felt more optimistic.  I was more engaged in the activities I was doing.  I took notice of more that was around me, taking in the beauty of the earth springing to life and the ring of a passerby’s laugh.  I even got to take a little extra time and spontaneously accept an invitation from a friend to spend some time together.  Just a few extra hours in my week made a big difference, for sure.

Upon reflecting on these noticings, I knew I would have to use this information to make some changes to my days.  I also probed myself to explore the meaning behind the choices I had made to arrive at such a busy schedule in the first place.  I remembered some sage and powerful words from my spiritual mentor Brene Brown about how we can erroneously equate busyness with self-worth and see exhaustion as a status symbol.

I believe that many of us, especially women, participate in this race for worthiness, believing that it’s not enough to simply be; believing we have to do…buying into that false belief that we have something to prove.  When we don’t trust in our own inherent self worth and goodness, we look outside of ourselves for validation.  It can (temporarily) elevate our self-esteem when we are “in demand” in our jobs or in the community.  I’ve heard many people comment on how good it feels to be needed by their partners or family members.

Similarly, I’ve witnessed friends and family members accept invitations that they really didn’t want to accept, because they felt guilty saying that they’d rather stay at home and do a crossword puzzle or take a relaxing bath.  Peer pressure is alive & well in the adult world, too.  I think of the judgments that some mothers place on other mothers who are not driving their children to Mandarin lessons and baking for the soccer boosters’ fundraiser.  Why do we push each other to go beyond what is reasonable?  What would it be like to instead affirm others’ choices to take good care of themselves, whatever that looks like at any particular time?

It is a process to step back from the mad rush.  It takes practice to get good at saying “no.”  One thing that helps is to remind myself that every time I say “no” to something that I don’t have time for or something that doesn’t absolutely light me up, I am saying “yes” to myself.

I’ll be blogging soon again.  Maybe the next post will be composed as I enjoy a glass of fresh-brewed iced tea while sitting in the sunroom with a cat on my lap…  I am getting better and better at taking it easy!

Gratitude

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I remember last year seeing a few friends doing daily November posts on Facebook regarding what they were grateful for, but this year, I saw so many friends doing this.  I am not a person who posts regularly on Facebook, but this year, I committed to participating in this November of Gratitude practice, because I found these posts from others to be touching and inspiring.  I am glad that I did.  I now want to post all of these here as a blog post and again share my gratitude.  There is indeed much for which I am grateful.

 

November 1 – I am grateful for those who speak and share their gratitude. I think so often people feel gratitude…but do not voice it. It makes a difference when people notice what is right in the world and voice their appreciation for people and experiences and things.

November 2 – Today I attended a friend’s wedding. I am grateful for the gift of love…in all varieties: in intimate partnerships, in friendships, in families, between strangers, the gift of self-love, and the infinite love that God has for us.

November 3 – I am grateful that my parents moved at the end of last year to a beautiful and comfortable new home. They are enjoying living in their ranch home “in the country,” and I love to spend time with them at the new house. It is just right for them, and I love the new house as much as they love it!

November 4 – I am grateful for my good health. With 2 parents who work in the medical field, I have always been aware of the value of good health – how life has an ease & flow to it when it is present & what a struggle even the “ordinary” is when health problems arise. This past year, with the incidental finding of my pituitary tumor, I have become even more appreciative of good health, as I have not needed medicine or surgery for this & feel well and fully alive. 

November 5 – I am grateful for the gift of music. Music serves as a vehicle for me to communicate with others. Music gives us a means to celebrate, to mourn, to express all that is within us…when words alone are insufficient. Music has inspired me. Music cheers me up & brings me to tears, as it is a platform that allows for deeply feeling the entire spectrum of emotions. Music transforms. Music creates memories. Music leads us to dance and to connect with others. Music adds life to the world.

November 6 – I am grateful for the opportunities I have had to travel. In traveling, I have learned so much – about nature, about history, about people & cultures, about myself. I have been mesmerized by the beauty that exists in our world. I have been exposed to some incredible places and experiences. I have had wonderful and memorable times with family members, friends, and strangers. I’ve had trips that were packed full of adventures and sights, and I’ve had restful trips that refreshed my spirit. I am thankful for the trips I’ve taken near & far and the way they have shaped me.

November 7 – I am grateful for the mistakes I’ve made, because I have learned important and powerful lessons from them…lessons I would not have learned in any other way.

November 8 – I am grateful for friendship and for my friends…for those people who love me, not despite my vulnerability & imperfections, but because of my vulnerability & imperfections. I am thankful for all who have chosen to journey with me, who have come to know me for who I am & shared of yourself with me. We don’t need others to fill us up, heal our wounds, or spend time with us…but life sure is amazing and wonderful when we walk together and support each other, help each other to grow, listen to each other, and let each other know that we care. I thank you, my friends, for our connection and for the power and beauty of that.

November 9 – I am grateful for InterPlay. InterPlay is a practice that helps to unlock the wisdom in our bodies. Through improvised movement, storytelling, and vocalizing, InterPlayers share of ourselves with others & witness others in their fullness. We play – yes, adults NEED play. We thrust, hang, shape, and swing. We stop to notice. We cry together. We do deep work that allows us to be our best selves in the world.

November 10 – I am grateful for my faith and for how it grown, been challenged, and deepened. There are very few constants in this world, but God is a constant in my life. My faith is multi-faceted, and I am always learning and being guided as I continue to hold my heart open to what is beyond our current understanding. I am thankful for those who have supported me in my faith and for those who inspire me by the strength of your faith and your passion for God & for living life in a way that honors God’s power and graces.

November 11 – I am grateful for those who do what they do with passion…for those who stood for what they believed in and served their country with honor, for those who care for the sick with skill and compassion, for those who teach and know the power of their work is in the lives that they touch, for those who care about each task they do – no matter how large or small. We all need each other, and we each are affected by the choices that others make, as they are affected by the choices we make. When we are mindful and passionate about what we do in our workplaces, at school, in our homes, and in the community, we all benefit. Being with others who are passionate about what they do heightens my passion for all that I am doing & makes me feel fully alive, reminding me of how we are all in this together…and that is a privilege and a joy.

November 12 – I am grateful for my parents – Joseph and Jane. As an only child, I’ve always had a close relationship with my parents. My parents have taught me so much – by word and by example. Their love for me is unconditional, and I know that they are always there for me. I am extremely blessed now to live 15 minutes away from my parents, so I see them often, and we continue to share our lives together and support each other. There are no words to adequately express the depth of my gratitude for all that my parents are & all that they have done for me.

November 13 – I am grateful for my extended family. I have a small family, and we do not get together often, but when we do connect, it is always so special and wonderful. I love these people dearly, and I wish we could be together much more often. My memories of times with them, even brief conversations, mean so much to me, and I so often think of these dear family members. I will always hold them close to my heart.

November 14 – I am grateful for my teachers…those who have formally instructed me in school, in lessons, in workshops, etc. as well as those who have informally instructed me through conversation, example, and experiences shared. I believe that we are all teachers for each other in life: we all have much to teach and share and offer & and we all have much to learn from each other if we are open to the learning.

November 15 – I am grateful for my black cat Macy. Macy and I have been together for 11 months. She came into my life after she showed up on Thanksgiving day at our veterinarian’s sister’s house, as they were watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. (That’s how she got her name.) She was starving and had an injured paw. Dr. Kropp did surgery, and Macy had part of her paw removed & a little blue cast put on her leg. She has brought such joy to my life, and I love her dearly. I’ve never had a black kitty before & have never had a real “lap cat” before. She meows for every meal, and she has an amazing personality and heart. She gets around very well despite her minor handicap, and she inspires me daily.

November 16 – I am grateful for social media – grateful that it allows me to connect with family members on a regular basis whom I otherwise might have only seen or talked to once in a great while, grateful that it allows me to keep in touch with classmates and friends whom I otherwise might have lost touch with. I am thankful that Facebook and Twitter make it possible for me to keep updated with what is going on in friends’ lives and accompany friends on their journeys – through excitements, through losses, through the wonderful and crazy everyday moments…and even to see pictures of family events, travels, and much more. I can hear what’s on people’s minds & learn new things about them that might not have come up in an ordinary conversation. Through Facebook and Twitter, I have come to know things that I have in common with various friends, have come to deepen relationships over shared interests and passions, continued friendships with friends across the world, and have come to meet new people.

November 17 – I am grateful for all that reading has brought to my life. I have read to be entertained; I have read to learn; I have read to be moved, inspired, and stretched out of my comfort zone. I am drawn to the psychology and self help section & have read some amazingly powerful and motivational books and articles that have shaped me and transformed me, word by word. Reading makes it possible for me to experience things I would not have ever experienced in my lifetime and allows me to understand others who are different from me…and helps me to better understand myself. I am in a state of flow and at ease when I read. Reading is a privilege and a pleasure. I know that I will continue to be thankful as I continue to read and discover.

November 18 – I am grateful for all of the students whom I have taught. I have come to meet some amazing human beings – in my K-12 teaching, in my university teaching, in my teaching of music lessons, in workshops I have led, and in choirs I have directed. Each one of these students has brought something special to my life, has helped me to understand the world differently, and has taught me as I have taught them. Teaching involves trust and vulnerability, and I appreciate each opportunity I have had to teach others & I appreciate all that I have learned in the process. The learning has been very often fun, sometimes intense, and always worthwhile.

November 19 – I am grateful for the way that writing has touched my life. I remember enjoying writing as a child…but I then came to see writing as ‘just something you had to do for school.’ It wasn’t my favorite type of schoolwork to do, either… My participation in the Northeastern Pennsylvania Writing Project Summer Institute several years ago helped me to again fall in love with writing as a creative way to express myself and a way to process my thoughts and feelings. I love journaling, writing letters, composing poems and free writing, and doing blog posts. Writing has helped me to find my voice and has allowed me to connect with others and enjoy the infinite surprising and real ways that words can combine to make and convey meaning.

November 20 – I am grateful for second chances.

November 21 – I am grateful for smiles and acts of kindness. Those can turn a person’s day around & really make a difference in the world. In our fast-paced world, people can feel so disconnected, and life can feel so fragmented. Each smile, each act of kindness connects us to each other and spreads humanity and positivity.

November 22 – I am grateful for everyone who is supporting my upcoming Holiday Benefit Concert…for those who are going around to area businesses & hanging posters, for those who are spreading the word about my concert to friends and neighbors, for those who will set up at the Community Arts Center for the event, for those who will help out on the day of the concert, for those who will attend and be in the audience that day, for those who are unable to attend but are still supporting the organizations by purchasing a ticket, for those who will join me on stage for a guest performance. I am passionate about making music, and I am passionate about the work of the Tamaqua Blue Raider Foundation & the Tamaqua Community Arts Center. It means so much to me to see the overwhelming support I am receiving as I prepare for this big event, and I am filled with gratitude.

November 23 – I am grateful for good food. (Had to include this one – I really love to eat, and there’s no question about it: I appreciate good food!)

November 24 – I am grateful for hugs and physical contact. As human beings, giving and receiving touch is necessary and supportive of our well-being. Through a hug, we bless another person with our body & spirit, and we convey our care.

November 25 – I am grateful for challenging situations, challenging relationships, and the struggles I’ve faced in my life, because these have led to the most learning and growth.

November 26 – I am grateful that my mother allowed me to be present with my grandmother (Dorothea Teter, whom I called “Mom”) as she died on December 24 when I was 10 years old. I cherish each moment that I had with my grandmother in her good health…and when she was sick and then in a coma. Being with my grandmother and not being shielded from what was going on was a gift, and this experience shaped me to this day, allowing me to see what really matters in life.

November 27 – I am grateful for likes and comments on my posts. I find it so uplifting to know that someone has read my FB post or blog post & acknowledged it. I don’t get to see and/or talk to most of my FB friends on a daily basis, but it is always a delight to see a friend’s name appear via a like or comment. I enjoy reading others’ posts and acknowledging them in this same way.

November 28 – I am thankful for gratitude expressed, gratitude embodied, gratitude shared. I believe that most of us are grateful for a whole lot on a regular basis, but we don’t always express, embody, and share our gratitude – because of the busyness of our everyday lives, because we fear others will see us as too sentimental or “too much,” because we don’t notice what’s going well in the world until it’s not going well, because we are already figuring out how to return the favor, on and on…so many reasons. On this holiday of thanksgiving, during this month of November, and throughout all of our days, we have the opportunity to express, embody, and share our gratitude. I have witnessed so many friends and family members and strangers do that…and I am touched, inspired, and moved by it. Gratitude is not something to keep to ourselves…it’s something to expose, something to give voice to, something to celebrate. I have seen gratitude blossom and multiply, and I am filled with gratitude for the gratitude I’ve witnessed.

November 29 – I am grateful for my resilience and my willingness to learn and grow from each and every life experience.

November 30 – I am grateful for my imagination & my dreams & my desire to always create & to make what exists better. I’m not one to do anything on a small scale, and once I set an intention, I’m not afraid to work hard to actualize what I am envisioning. I’m thankful that I have infinite ideas and desires and dreams and the courage & determination to move in the direction of these.

 

 

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Falling on Purpose

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I tried stand-up paddleboarding for the first time on the Friday before school started. It was one of those things that I just wanted to try once, and I thought, “If I end up being able to stand, that would be cool,” but I didn’t really expect that I would get to standing.

 

My first time on the board was with Ruth from the L.L. Bean Center Valley Discovery School.  I went out on Lake Nockamixon as part of a group of 5.  After going over the basic terminology and the safety procedures, we practiced going from kneeling to standing when the boards were set out on dry land.  Then we took the boards to the water.  After we paddled out on our knees, our instructor invited us to shift from kneeling to standing when we were ready.  I watched some of the others in the class go to standing, and they did fine.  Their success was honestly a little distressing, because I really didn’t want to be the first in the group to fall into the water.  I was rationalizing that it wouldn’t be such a big deal if someone else fell in & then I did, too.  I just didn’t want to be the first one to lose my footing.  Everyone else was standing, so it was time to try this…I stood up, and it was a very strange feeling.  My legs felt shaky, but I got more comfortable as I went along.  I enjoyed this experience so much that I started looking into when I could go out again.  I checked if there was anywhere closer to home where I could go out paddleboarding.

 

Last Friday evening, I went to Lake Harmony.  I had my second lesson with Morgan from Pocono Paddle & Fitness.  At first, I was nervous;  I thought I made a bad choice to go out for a lesson on Labor Day weekend when the lake was exceptionally busy with boat traffic, including people on jet skis.  I ended up having a wonderful time again!  As Morgan and I paddled on our knees to a calmer cove, we chatted and got to know each other.  I was feeling comfortable and excited after reaching the cove and got right up to standing.  Then, I practiced going back to my kness and back to standing again and again…and even learned a different way of getting to standing – the “pop-up.”  I then remained standing for the rest of my time out on the lake.  We travelled around the lake and then went back to where we started.  I even navigated some decent-size waves from passing boats along the way.

 

When I did these two lessons, I asked both instructors if it would be possible for me to fall into the water “on purpose,” so that I could practice getting back on the board…just in case I ever fell off in the future.  Both instructors agreed that this was a great idea.  I believed that it would be much better to fall on purpose and to learn how to get back on the board when I was with an experienced instructor and while it was not an “emergency.”  If I had actually lost my balance and fallen off of the board, I would have possibly been upset with myself or scared, and those emotions would likely have impacted my ability to get back on the board.  Now, I know what to do if that ever happens, and I know that it’s not a big deal at all.  I got back on the board easily.  And the falling part was pretty fun, too!

 

Falling on purpose…just to prove to myself that I can handle any future spills I might take.  That gave me confidence.  I know that it’s not practical to do trial “falls” in every situation we might encounter in life, and I’m not advocating that we dress rehearse tragedy.  Yet, it’s healthy to recognize that we will sometimes stand tall and we will sometimes fall…and when we fall, we can get back up again.  Resilience allows us to live life fully – we can navigate both the ups and the downs with grace.  We can be there to support others and cheer them on, and we can allow others to support us and cheer us on.  This time, I fell on purpose.  I know I will fall again, and it will not always be “on purpose,” but I know that I will make it back up to standing, and I will keep growing and living fully and welcoming new experiences and new challenges into my life.

Stand-Up Paddleboarding at Lake Harmony

Copyright © 2013 by Susan M. Featro, Voice Lifted

Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zones

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I have mentioned InterPlay before in my blogging.  I am grateful for the opportunity I have every week to participate in an InterPlay class at Wellspring Holistic Center in Stroudsburg, PA.  InterPlay is an active, creative way of tapping into the wisdom of the body through improvised movement, storytelling, and dance.  The group of people who come together to participate in our InterPlay classes is truly a family – a perfectly imperfect circle of men and women who are committed to supporting each other in personal growth through embracing play and vulnerability.

 

Our topic of exploration at class for the past two weeks has been stepping out of our comfort zone.  We have participated in powerful and moving explorations through movement, through story, and through song;  these have been full of tears and laughter and heartfelt sharing that was spontaneous and creative and rich in wisdom and beauty.

 

One thing I know for sure is that it’s not easy to step outside of one’s comfort zone.  I struggle with doing this, fearing that I will not be a success, fearing judgment and ridicule by others, and fearing rejection and abandonment.  Those are major risks!  Yet, I know that if I don’t step out of my comfort zone, I will miss out on many experiences that could be very rewarding and truly awesome…and I could end up “in a rut” if I don’t take those risks.  I know that…but/and I hesitate to step out of my comfort zone.  I have great desire and strong intentions…yet I often find myself in the position of…not quite…not ready yet.  And then I get very frustrated with myself.

 

A step outside of one’s comfort zone is a step into a new territory where learning and growth can occur.  If we take too wide of a step, it can be a shock to our system, and we might even prevent ourselves from taking future risks if we are consumed by panic as we experience the completely unfamiliar, but a reasonably incremental step out of our comfort zones is good for our bodyspirits.

comfort zone

So the last two InterPlay classes were an important time for me to explore and process all of this, and I continue to work and play with it.  There are many ways, big and small, that I can step out of my comfort zone that would make a difference in the world…for others and for myself.  If I attend a meeting and don’t speak up, I have short-changed the group from my ideas and input…and I also leave with the feeling that I haven’t really given my all.  I don’t want to do that again.

 

That’s just one example.  There are many places in my life where I will focus on stepping out of my comfort zone as I move forward and take the wisdom from these InterPlay explorations with me.  Now it’s your turn:  What is out of your comfort zone?  What things do you hold back from doing?  Would you like to step out of your comfort zone?  How do you plan to go about this?  Please share in the comments below!

 

Not Seeing…is Believing

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During my recent trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico, I went on an evening/night excursion to kayak at the bioluminescent bay in Farjado.  Before going on the trip, I read about this area, and I found it fascinating.  A high concentration of microscopic organisms called dinoflagellates thrive here.  When they are agitated, they glow in the dark, and anything that comes in contact with them also glows.  In order to preserve this fragile ecosystem, swimming is no longer allowed in this bay, but if a person did swim, it would appear that the person was glowing.

 

I found it worth going on this trip in order to experience the bioluminescence first hand.  Unfortunately, it does not come out well on photographs, but I can assure you that the water really does light up and glow when the kayak paddle comes in contact with it, when you scoop your hand into the water, and whenever a fish goes by.  Sometimes the advertisements for a tourist attraction are much more exciting than the actual place, but in this case, the experience really does live up to the claims that they make.

 

This was the first time that I had ever been out in a two-person kayak.  It was also the first time that I ever kayaked at night.  One of my favorite parts of the trip was going through the narrow channel that was completely tree-covered.  It was pitch black;  it was only possible to see the tiny little glow ring on the kayak that was in front of you.  As interesting as it would have been to see this new area and take in the natural beauty of this tropical environment, it was thrilling and surreal to know that I was in the middle of a channel off of the Farjado Bay in the tropical rain forest biome…but to not be able to see any of it.  I knew that I was traveling through the mangrove forest into the lagoon, surrounded by tropical foliage, and even knew that mosquitos were likely flying all around me…but could not actually see anything.  Yet, I felt it all in my body, and it was powerful and peaceful.  My inability to see it with my eyes but my general knowledge of what was surrounding me in this environment allowed me to experience this on a different level.  It reminded me of faith – not seeing, but believing.  In other blog posts, I’ve written about letting go of control, accepting that we don’t have all the answers…and trusting.  This late night kayak excursion allowed me to experience the comfort that comes when I let go of knowing.

kayaks in Farjado

kayaks ready to go out on the water in Farjado

Life Lessons

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tumor-pituitary

 

A recent health scare has taught me some very important life lessons.  After having routine lab work done in April, I got the report that one of my hormone levels – Prolactin – was elevated.  My doctor recommended that I see an endocrinologist, but since I couldn’t get an appointment for several months with an endocrinologist, I asked the doctor if I should have a contrast MRI of the brain/pituitary gland done, just to make sure that there were no abnormalities that could be causing the elevated Prolactin level.  After the MRI, I got a phone call…not from one of the doctor’s office secretaries, but from the doctor herself:  the MRI showed a pituitary tumor.

 

After this diagnosis, I did even more research (on reputable medical websites) on elevated Prolactin levels and pituitary tumors.  The more research I did, the more I learned and understood about this condition…and the more scared I got.  I read about medications that had very serious side effects and saw statistics showing that almost everyone who took these medications experienced these side effects.  I read on multiple websites that the most common course of action was surgery.  I became horrified when I saw that the surgery is typically done transsphenoidally (going through the nose and the sphenoid bone.)  Since the nasal cavity is a resonance chamber for the singing voice, I felt that this was the worst possible thing that could happen to me;  I would have much preferred that they just cut open my head.  In  the meantime, I saw an endocrinologist and an ophthalmologist.  The reason I was referred to an ophthalmologist is that sometimes these tumors can press on the optic nerve at the optic chiasm affecting peripheral vision, but this isn’t the case for me.

 

Because of my concerns with my singing voice, I went to see a team of doctors at Johns Hopkins Pituitary Center in Baltimore, Maryland.  They were able to get me in for an appointment last Thursday, and that appointment brought me good news.  The doctors are recommending that this tumor be monitored through serial MRIs.  I will have repeat blood work in 6 months and a repeat contrast MRI after that.  Then, they will see if the tumor has grown over time, stayed the same size, or has shrunk.  At this time, they do not feel that medication or surgery is necessary…since I have not been experiencing any symptoms.

 

This was the best possible outcome I could have hoped for.  While I will need to follow up and monitor this condition, I am not looking at surgery or medication right now…and possibly will never need to do anything to treat it.

 

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I do want to take away from this the life lessons that are mine to learn.  A health scare of any kind is always a reminder to be thankful for one’s good health.  This also has reminded me that everyone has challenging times and things to deal with that are very scary, sad, and painful…so I hold that in my heart as I am interacting with people, whether it is a student of mine, a parent of a student, my friends, a cashier at a business, someone whom I meet while waiting in line at the post office, anyone…  I am reminded of the quote that was attributed to Plato, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

 

I know that another lesson for me in this is to let go and release my grip on “how things should be.”  We can sometimes get so fixated on there being only one possible outcome…one possible way for things to go that would be “the right way.”  But that is not the case…and so often, there is something better in store for us.  I knew, as I was going through this, that I would have to get to a place in which I was going to accept and be okay with whatever the outcome was.  If I was going to need surgery, then I’d need to believe that this was happening because maybe my body needed a time to slow down and step away from it all, and this would be a time to take good care of myself.   If surgery or medication would affect my singing voice, I’d have to accept that there was some other way that I was to share of myself with others and contribute to the world.  And this was a reminder that I am not entitled to anything & that nothing is a guarantee…I’m not entitled to one more day with the voice I have;  I’m not guaranteed one more day on the planet.  I can hope for more days to lift my voice in song and more time to do the things I love, but none of it is guaranteed.  This has reminded me to see it all as a gift and has allowed me to be so grateful and so amazed by the tremendous gifts I’ve been given and continue to get.

 

It took me a while to process all of this & feel my feelings & come to peace.  I did get to that place, and I think that was a major reason that the Universe orchestrated this challenge for me.  Even though it wasn’t in a pleasant form, it was something that I had to experience in order to grow.  There are so many other lessons to take away from it all.  I also know this was an opportunity to practice advocating for myself and my health and remembering that I know my body best.  Finally, this experience showed me that there are so many people who care about me and that I have wonderful friends who are willing to listen and to share of their experiences with me in a beautiful and authentic way.  If I never had this experience, I wouldn’t have had these same conversations…wouldn’t have become so vulnerable in my sharing and wouldn’t have heard the supportive words from friends & experienced such wonderful connections.

 

So I do believe this happened for a reason, and I’m grateful for the life lessons I’ve learned and am still learning from it.  Of course, the future with this tumor is uncertain. At any time in the future, I could notice symptoms.  I could have my repeat blood work and repeat MRI and get a bad report.  But on the other hand, I could end up having this for the rest of my life and have no problems at all from it…it very well could even shrink.  And that is life: never knowing what is coming next, so therefore, being in the present moment and engaging wholeheartedly with the life that is right in front of you.

 

fall apart quote picture

Retreat

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Last Thursday, I presented at an educational research conference in Cape May, New Jersey. I turned this time into a solo get-away and enjoyed an incredibly wonderful and beautiful 3 days by the water.

 

I spent time with a good book and my journal, having a front-row seat to the ocean on my beach towel. I walked through the town and enjoyed the Victorian architecture. I ate really good food, including a lobster roll & a complete lobster bake, enjoyed outside at a picnic table. I took off my shoes and walked on the beach, away from it all.  I sat on my balcony and breathed in the salty air.  I explored the area.

 

It was a delightful retreat and has left me feeling refreshed and inspired to lift my voice.  I believe that solo retreats are essential to the creative process, and I wanted to share with you a few photos from my time in Cape May to inspire you!

Cape May 3

Cape May 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cape May 4

Cape May 1

Begin – Trust

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Begin…where you are.

Begin…in this moment.

Begin…with the breath.

Begin.

 

Walk…with intention.

Walk…with your head held high.

Walk…in the direction your heart is gesturing.

Walk.

 

Stop…to notice all that is around you.

Stop…to notice what you’re feeling.

Stop…and rest.

Stop.

 

Run…with enthusiasm and energy.

Run…with the abandon and playfulness you knew as a child.

Run…to what is calling you.

Run.

 

Lead…in a way that honors yourself and those around you.

Lead…with creativity.

Lead…because you have something to say.

Lead.

 

Follow…with attention and respect.

Follow…to learn something new.

Follow…and delight in where the path takes you.

Follow.

 

Trust…that you are enough.

Trust…that you will be surprised by much.

Trust…that everything happens for a reason.

Trust.

Lake Killarney

“Begin – Trust,” a poem by Susan M. Featro, © 2013 Voice Lifted

 

An inspiration for this poem was my practice of InterPlay.

Snow Day

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Yesterday, we had a snow day from school.  With snow, sleet, and freezing rain coming down throughout the morning and early afternoon, school was cancelled.

 

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Snow days are a rare treat.  While it’s always nice to have a scheduled day off, those unexpected days off are a refreshing break from routine.  Whenever I have a scheduled day off, I almost always plan something – make my doctor’s appointments, plan a little trip, get set up to do a project, make plans to have lunch and go out shopping with friends or with my mom, or reserve the day for catching up on grading for the university courses I’m teaching.  But when those snow days come up unexpectedly, there are no plans that have been made, and it’s not safe to go out and travel the roads anyway.

 

On a snow day, I can enjoy leisure reading, a bubble bath, or time on Facebook with no guilt whatsoever.  I can enjoy an extra long meditation session or bake something tasty and sweet. I can work ahead on things I know I have coming up.  I can play some new songs on the piano – just for fun, not in preparation for any upcoming performance.  There are no expectations;  there’s no nagging voice in the back of my head, listing all the things I “should” be doing.  I’ve been given permission to be totally in the moment and to ask myself what I feel like doing.  That really feels great.

 

Do you have memories of spending “snow days” in fun ways as a child…or as an adult?  How often do you allow yourself to have those days in which you have no agenda…no expectations for what should be accomplished by the day’s end?  I enjoyed yesterday’s snow day very much, and I look forward to the next snow day.  I now want to play with the idea of allowing myself to have that same experience more often…even when there is no inclement weather in the forecast.

Self Care and Self Love

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This past week, I was hit by the flu.  I picked it up somewhere, and my immune system was weakened enough that I ended up noticing a sore throat as my first symptom, and then things went on from there.

 

While there’s never a good time to be sick, I was upset that this struck during “mid-term exam time” at school…but I was thankful that it didn’t interfere with any musical performances I had scheduled.  Being sick gave me the opportunity this week to really practice self care and self love in a way that I hadn’t before, so that is the blessing that came out of this.

 

Many spiritual teachers remind us that everything we experience can be seen as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and to learn about life.  This was a growth experience for me, because I went about being sick differently than  I had in the past.

 

Before, I had never been a person to slow down.  I had always tried my best to keep going – not wanting to miss time from school/work, not wanting to cancel lessons I was teaching or plans I had committed to, not wanting to take a day off from working out.

 

This time, the flu left me with no energy, and the fact that I couldn’t get much sleep because of the cough left me even more weary.  I decided to listen to my body and take care of myself by resting…a lot.  I used sick time I had available at work;  I cancelled students’ lessons;  I skipped my morning workouts;  I didn’t even go to InterPlay – and participating in that active, creative improvisation-based class that centers around movement, storytelling, and song is something I truly love to do.  Instead, I spent a lot of time in bed; I took hot baths; I drank countless cups of tea.  I took it easy.

 

And it worked.  I am now feeling better and slowly reentering the routine – but with a focus on self care and self love.  I’m taking it slowly and remembering that my body needs to be treated well in order to perform well in the world.

 

I sure hope that you do not have this terrible flu.  It really was not fun.  But if you do, or if you’re feeling that your health is compromised in any way, I encourage you to follow my example and treat yourself well.  This was new to me, and I now am grateful for this experience and the lesson I learned from it.  In the beginning, it was almost like I needed to be given permission to slow down and take care of myself.  So I give you now permission to treat yourself with care and love.  It will leave you feeling healthier and more alive and will lead to you to be better able to go out into the world and do all that you do.  And even if you are feeling at your peak, I still encourage you to practice self care and self love.  Please feel free to share in the comments any ways that you practice self care and self love.

self love