Category Archives: growth

Daring Greatly

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The author whose writing has most inspired me and changed me in this past year is Brené Brown.  Brené Brown (Ph.D., LMSW) is a researcher at the University of Texas at Austin.  Her areas of research include shame and vulnerability.  Yes, I did say she was inspiring.  Really!

 

This past week, Brené was on The Katie Show.  She discussed new book “Daring Greatly.”

 

My first exposure to Brené Brown was in watching her TED Talk on vulnerability.  Vulnerability was not a new concept for me.  For the past 10 years, my teacher and mentor James Jordan at Westminster Choir College has insisted that choral conductors and all creative artists needed to be vulnerable in order to offer pure and beautiful creations that move people and connect people.

 

What is vulnerability?  It’s kind of like emotional nakedness.  It’s being open.  Vulnerability is allowing ourselves to be seen…as we are.  Vulnerability is letting go of trying to control how others see us.  It is showing up and being real…allowing ourselves to be exposed in all of our perfection and imperfection…embracing humanness.  Vulnerability is taking risks…saying “I love you” first, letting others see us cry, saying “I don’t know,” and “I’m scared.”  Vulnerability is letting others see how excited we are about an opportunity…with the recognition that we might not get the job or we might not be the one selected after the audition, or that special person might turn us down for a date.  So many times, we choose to avoid vulnerability by “playing it cool” and acting as if it’s not a big deal…pretending it doesn’t really matter if we get the job/get role we auditioned for/get to go on a date with that special someone.

 

To be vulnerable is to be brave.  We take a risk when we expose ourselves to others.  There is a very real chance that we will be judged, ridiculed, hurt…  Brené acknowledges that being vulnerable takes courage, and we will sometimes experience rejection and hurt.  Yet, it is worth the price, because it is actually more painful to stand outside of our own lives and look in, wanting to engage and participate wholeheartedly…but to hold back, protecting ourselves from the potential dangers we might encounter if we let others see us.  I know:  I have often stood back and not fully engaged with others, not speaking up when I had something to say, not saying how I really felt because I feared others would judge me, not stepping up and taking a leadership role because I still had work to do on myself to become “good enough,” not letting others see how much I care on account of fear that I would be judged as “too sensitive.”  The list goes on.

 

I have now decided:  I would rather go home and feel the painful feelings that follow harsh judgment by a friend, audience member, critic, family member, or stranger after I have lived authentically and lifted my voice, living out loud…than go home and feel the painful feelings that arise from knowing that I didn’t put myself out there…that I stood in the background and didn’t bring all of me to the world.  I choose to dare greatly.  I know I will have to be brave.

 

How have you dared greatly in your life?  How do you plan to be brave in your days ahead?

To Teach and to Learn

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Susan - Back to School Photo - to Teach and to Learn

Yes, even as the teacher, I still get my picture taken on the first day of school. The first day of school is a special beginning, and I want to reflect in this post on my role as a teacher…and a learner.

 

I am a teacher of English as a Second Language.  I am also a teacher of music who gives lessons out of my home.  I’m also considered a teacher when I lead choirs and when I present at academic conferences.  Most frequently, I am a teacher as I go about my day-to-day activities, interacting with family, friends, and those whom I meet as I journey through my days.  At the same time, I am a student.

 

I do not take either of these roles lightly.  I think it is an amazing opportunity, privilege, responsibility, and gift to learn from each other.  It is a beautiful exchange:  to teach and to learn, to share.

 

There is so much that we can learn from each other, and we each have much to share, to offer, to teach.  We teach by example, as well as through our words.  We learn by being open and receptive as we connect with others and as we engage fully in life.

 

Life is constantly presenting us with lessons.  Some of these lessons come to us at a comfortable pace and are enjoyable for us, as we discover and grow;  other lessons are hard and painful.  If we don’t learn the lesson the first time, we can be assured that it will be repeated for us…until we master it.  …Kind of like Outcome-Based Education, which became popular in the 1990’s.

 

I am committed to teaching and learning.  I always strive to be a good teacher and a good student.  I know it is important for me to lift my voice and share myself with others.  It is, likewise, important for me to listen and learn from others who surround me.  The coexistence of these two roles provides a balance, and that is what it is to live and to learn.  Thank you for joining me in the classroom of life.

Back to School: Reflecting on Change

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Tomorrow will be the first day of school for many students and teachers.  This is a time of year that comes with mixed feelings for many.  While students, parents, and teachers don’t want to say “good-bye” to the carefree days of summer, the return to a routine schedule feels good in some ways…and then there are the Friday night football games, the fall craft fairs, apple pies, and the comfort of a warm sweatshirt on a cool night.

 

This will be a change, and ready or not, it’s here.  Change is often resisted, yet we usually know that we need change in order to keep moving and growing.  Change means letting go of one thing and allowing something else to take its place.  The ‘letting go’ is important, because it allows room for something new.  Beginnings can make us nervous;  we get anxious about those unknowns ahead.  Yet, beginnings are also a refreshing opportunity to start fresh.

 

I am at a period in my life where change seems to be the only constant.  I am learning through the uncertainty that the unknowns can be embraced.  I am learning to surrender, and I am learning that it feels good to surrender.  By nature, I like to feel “in control” of things.  But that “control” is only an illusion.  Any moment, things can change in a split second…or they might stay how they are for longer than we think.  We have no answers, and if we spend all of our time asking questions, we miss the brilliance of the present moment.  So going into this year, I’m not thinking too far ahead.  I’m not worrying if I’ll be able to keep up with the new demands of this year.  I’m also not fretting over the things I didn’t fit into my summer…those projects I said I’d get to that never made it into the hours of June, July, and August.  Instead, I’m embracing the present moment, embracing the change, and staying open to noticing how it is all feeling for me.  And right now…I’m noticing that I don’t feel nervous at all.

Living in Harmony

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“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

 

How can I live in harmony with myself today?  How can you live in harmony with yourself today?

 

Those are big questions to consider.  And I think these questions lead to more questions that must be asked.  Thinking about this quote makes me question and assess what I am doing and why I am doing it…the motivation behind my actions.  Looking at each decision I’ve made and seeing what led me to make that decision…whether it is a relatively minor decision about what/when to eat or a major decision about a career choice or a relationship.  I’m allowing everything to be open to questioning.

 

Usually, I’m finding that a combination of motives is behind each of my actions.  For example, I might choose to eat something because I’m hungry and because I like the taste of that food and because I’m with a friend who is ready for lunch.  Behind those bigger decisions in life, there is also usually a combination of motives.

 

I believe that in order to live in harmony with myself, I must continue to reflect on what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.  If I find out that I am motivated by honest and legitimate intentions, then it affirms that I am living in harmony when carrying out that action.  If I find that entanglements are feeding one of my decisions, then I am probably off-base and living out of harmony with myself and the universe.

 

As I go through this process, I’m finding some of both.  I’m finding some areas in which I’m very clear that I’m right on – in complete alignment.  These actions feel like they have come straight from my core.  In other areas, I know that I have strayed.  In those instances, I need to gently redirect myself so that I can make my way back to harmony.

 

This work is intense…and wonderful.  In today’s society, we’re often in such a rush to move on to the next thing that we just do, do, do and don’t stop to think about why we’re doing what we’re doing.  This new practice is slowing me down…in a good way.  I like the sound of slow and intentional harmonies.