Finding Ourselves, Being Ourselves

This past weekend, a friend introduced me to an episode of My Little Pony.  I am not a regular viewer of the My Little Pony series, but I’d seen a few episodes previously with this friend, and I must say that I’ve been impressed:  The show is full of great life lessons, and it presents these in a way that is entertaining and that does not “talk down” to children.

In order to understand what I’ll be saying about this episode, I need to give you just a little background information.  Each of the pony characters has a picture on his/her flank that is called a “cutie mark.”  It is a symbol of what makes that pony special.  The pony who is an apple farmer has a cutie mark that portrays apples;  the pony who controls the weather has a cloud & a rainbow on her flank, etc.  Well, in this particular episode, a spell has been cast that has resulted in all of the ponies’ cutie marks being switched.  Ponyville is not running very well, with the ponies not doing those things at which they excel.

This episode made me think about the process we must go through in order to find our identities and then to live as our authentic selves.  The teenage years constitute a major period during which we begin to explore who we are, try on different identities, and determine what lights us up.  This process continues, and it is normal for our identities to shift as we learn new things and are introduced to different people and different experiences.  When we are middle-aged, most of us are refining our identities to some extent, as we begin to question some choices we made when we were younger, and we finally have the confidence to show our real face to the world, even if we think that others might be displeased.

One thing that makes the process challenging is the sheer volume of “input” we get – solicited and unsolicited.  In growing up, we are shaped by our family, our friends, and our teachers.  These people matter to us, and we know they mean well, so we notice the examples they are setting, and we listen to their advice.  This is good…but it can’t be at the expense of listening to the voice within.  Many people choose to “people please” and go along with what they interpret as the expectations that the world has for them.  They disconnect from their core and fall into the roles that have been suggested to them.  An additional source of “input” is the media.  The messages about how to look and behave in the world are no longer limited to billboards and magazine advertisements.   Things pop up on our computer screens;  iPhone applications sport advertisements.  All scream and compete for our attention…”This product, this decision, this vacation is going to change your life for the better.”

The process of finding and living out our identities is not easy.  Our identities are multi-faceted:  It’s not only what career we will have but where we will live, whether we choose to partner with someone in an intimate relationship, how we spend our time, what we consume and what we create, how we take care of ourselves, what kinds of friendships we have, what we choose to believe, how we present ourselves to the world.   This E. E. Cummings quote acknowledges the magnitude of the process, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”  Once we are able to quiet the external voices and hear the voice inside that is our true self, we then face another challenge:  we have to take action to be that person.  There are risks.  We risk falling flat on our face as we dive into a new venture.  We risk being rejected by those whom we love most.

Every day, we make choices that align or don’t align with who we are at our core.  Sometimes, these are major life-changing decisions that we are making;  sometimes, these are little choices that collectively add up.  As part of my spiritual path, I am questioning each of the decisions I’m making and reflecting on whether they align with who I am at my core.  In some instances, I have time to process this before acting and making a decision, and at other times, I’m looking back and evaluating the choices I’ve made.

I’ve struggled with many of these decisions, and I have felt the fear that preceded some of those big jumps and some of the small ones that led me further and further down a certain path.  I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about what others think of my choices.  And I admit that I have sometimes abandoned myself and done what I thought would make others happy.  Yet, I’m never stuck in one place.  Each day, I have the opportunity to make new decisions that are right for me.  I feel very vulnerable when making some of these choices, but I know the importance of establishing my identity and living my life intentionally.

Brene Brown says, “Without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of getting criticized or feeling hurt.  But when we step back and examine our lives, we will find nothing is as uncomfortable or dangerous as believing we’re standing on the outside of our lives looking in and wondering what it would be like if we had the courage to show up and let ourselves be seen.”  Yes, it will feel like a huge risk, but I would rather put myself out there and follow my heart than stand on the outside of my life, wondering about what could have been.  I lift my voice.  I lift my heart.  I lift my dreams…and trust in them.